this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
