Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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