i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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