How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
