return my video game
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
