I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
