They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
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