do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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