So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We're too hungover to prance.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
