Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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