I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
