just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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