if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
