what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
