I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
