my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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