I got her a Nickelback box set.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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