I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
