we're chasing vodka with high fives
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
