the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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