I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Is Oprah even human
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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