i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
