True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Less talking, more tequila
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
