I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
