dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
