No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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