I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
