The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
