we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
