I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
