He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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