You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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