So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
