who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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