Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
