I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
