you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
