Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
