I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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