Whod you bang
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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