Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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