Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
