it wasn't lemon gatorade
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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