he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
