I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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