I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
