wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
