So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
My penis needs a shock collar
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
