Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
