We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
