my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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