So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
