I'm so fucking centered right now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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